Using "said" after every dialogue line gets boring, but what to use instead?
William Saroyan, a twentieth century American writer, used “he said” or “she said” with almost every line of dialogue. It became a trademark of his, but for the rest of us, too much use of said becomes either boring or intrusive for the reader.
Here are six alternatives to consider, practice, and use:
- Use alternatives to said as dialogue tags. Said is used so much simply because it tends to disappear in the mind of the reader. It is only the overuse that writers have to worry about. Consider alternatives that flow in and out of a reader’s mind almost as easily as said. These might include whispered, yelled, muttered, replied. Avoid jarring words like ejaculated, exclaimed, interjected. Avoid tags that should be obvious from the dialogue, such as argued. Use alternatives with animal characteristics, such as hissed, very sparingly, if at all.
- Don’t put anything after dialogue. Readers can follow the back and forth between two people for a bit without identifying them on every line. (But don’t let it go on too long.) The best dialogue will be unique to each character, and readers will be able to identify them automatically. If a conversation has three or more speakers, readers will need something that lets them know who is speaking. Example: 1) Sarah hugged me. “Don’t worry about it. No one listens to her.” 2) “So? Everyone’s still laughing, right?” 3) “You just have to find a way to beat her.”
- After dialogue, use a separate action sentence. A speaker can’t smile, frown, weep, or yawn a sentence. He or she can, however, speak and then smile / frown / weep / yawn. Use your action word in a separate sentence and you won’t need a he said phrase at all. Example: “Congratulations!” Julie grinned.
- Break up dialogue with action to develop character. Character traits easily shown here could include smoking (light or stub out a cigarette), stalling for time (sipping a drink, swirling ice, watering plants), inattention (answering cell phone call), nervousness (smoking, twirling lock of hair), etc. Example: “So what now?” she asked, smoothing her napkin.
- Break up dialogue with action to move the story forward. Before, after or between sentences, characters might notice a clue, jot a note, get in a car, throw a plate, wrap a gift. Again, dialogue paired with a sentence of action makes he said unnecessary. Whenever possible, intersperse dialogue with plot and character for a seamless story. Example: "New hair color, huh?" I could almost see Mark's brain clicking as he reached for a pad of paper.
- Conquer the desire for adverbs with the same technique. Anytime a character wants to say something warmly, cautiously, slowly, etc., look for an action or description to show that instead, and leave the dialogue tag off.
The copyright of the article Dialogue Tags in Writing Fiction is owned by Jennifer Jensen. Permission to republish Dialogue Tags must be granted by the author in writing.
