Word Choice and Active Voice
Edit Writing by Eliminating These Words
We often get lazy in our speech and that laziness can creep into our writing. As you edit your writing, tighten it by watching for these:
“To be”
Look for sentences with any form of “to be” in them. If you find was, were, is, or are, consider carefully. When they become helping verbs, your writing can become very passive and bland – the opposite of the active voice you want. Simplify the verb, or change it to show action and/or mood. Examples:
- “He was sitting.” Instead, try: He sat. He perched. He slumped.
- “She was happy.” Instead, try: She glowed. She bubbled over with excitement. She spun and leapt with joy.
- "The car was old." Instead, try: The decrepit car chugged along. The 1978 Datsun ...
Vague superlatives
Adding emphasis with words like very or really is the easy way out. We may use them in dialogue, and they can become a character tag, but they don’t tell us much in narrative.
- “She ran very fast” is vague. How fast is very fast, and how did it feel? Try a stronger verb like dashed or sped. Or give us some character at the same time: “She ran faster than she ever had before.”
- “It was a really good movie” doesn’t tell anyone what was good about it. “It was action-packed” or “It made me cry” take your reader a lot further. (This is one where you might want to leave the “was” in the sentence. With description, as opposed to action, a powerful verb might distract from the noun.)
- Avoid: Very, really, extra, nice, super, extremely, truly, better, worse, quite.
Adverbs
Adverbs tell how someone performs an action: to eat quickly, to walk slowly, to play loudly. The problem with adverbs is that if you need one, you may not be using powerful enough language in the first place. Let’s look at the examples above.
- "She ate quickly." Try: She scarfed her food. She wolfed down her dinner. She tore at the bread, stuffing it into her mouth faster than she could swallow.
- "He walked slowly." Try: He plodded. He strolled. He sauntered. He meandered. He limped.
Any of these give a vivid image to the reader, which is any writer's goal.
Redundant Phrases
For some reason, many of us don’t trust strong words to do their work, so we add another adjective or adverb which doesn’t add anything to the meaning:
- An enormous giant
- A very unique item
- A hard-to-find rare book
- A valuable treasure
Isn’t a giant automatically enormous? How can something unique (one of a kind) be even more so? If it’s rare, doesn’t that make it hard to find? And if something isn’t valuable, it’s not a treasure, is it? If your proofreading doesn’t catch phrases like these easily, find a friend or colleague who will help.
Warning
Be aware that these guidelines are for narrative, not necessarily dialogue. Your character may actually say, “It was a really cool movie.” And if you’re using a first person or third-person limited point of view, you need to keep your character’s voice in mind. But tighten where you can, even in first person, to strengthen your writing.
Cut Bland Words!
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